My Life diary in South Korea

people are extremely different form one another.
different views,different religion to be followed and one has their own pride of living the life of their ways and their style.
As mentioned here,having reached here,we were like the bird without feathers,not knowing the complete set of language which was just heard through the dramas and movies.

though we were like living everyone's dream back home,no one knows what kinda difficulties we have been undergoing here,people out here are so much and extremely kind and polite,though.one man's meat would be another man's poison.
though the meeting of new friends from nine different countries, its always and obviously the new-go experiences which would never be expected in this coming generation.

Of-course,everything is not a bed of roses too.But everybody out there has a good time and sometimes the point is clear enough,the minute we try to be who we are not, and try accepting everything whatever that comes our way,things goes on and moves on the right track.

so to narrate our journey to korea.
On 21st march, we enroute through Bangkok from Paro international Airport,To be honest enough i wasn't that excited regarding the trip though it was kinda everyone's dream to travel to  korea and live and lead the life style.I was actually  bit nervous and confused of what i will be doing here and what am i suppose to do

As said,grass on the otherside is not always green until and unless you know how to make it green,its not always piece of cake and cup of tea for anyone to have had led on the another place far away from your country and on top that not having even a bit of knowledge on someone else's language..urg..thats bit disgusting too

when time passes by,things get to its right track and everything falls on its track,just the thing is give sometime time and be patient enough to have lead

Clandestine memories of childhood days

I won’t call it maturity nor would I call it experience, I think I have come across all these troubles which shall remain as black dots of memories, hope for the betterment of the future

When I was six, my mother died in an unexpected diseases being needled to her. Five years later, my father mistakenly married to a women of two children, at times of his unfortunate day.

She hated me, though it wasn’t personal, she would have hated any child who wasn’t her own. She was masculine, vehement and real cruel women but her main weapon was emotional abuse. Every single day, no respite. Her energy was remarkable, she had inexhaustible supply of hatred, expended daily, yet burning fiercely for years and years, unstoppable war of attrition: relentless, humiliating, terrorizing, degrading, twisted, trivial.

She destroyed what mattered to me: as I turned thirteen, she hit upon the idea of abolishing a father-daughter relationship and took all glorious belonging on her name. At sixteen, it was a passport which was created for the travel opportunity rendered me to Sri Lanka for the excelling as the best student from my school, out of her jealousy, it was thrown into disposal bin.

This iceberg tip of her loathing was visible to all but because my gentle and kind father chose to ignore it for her own benefit, friends and family were powerless though. For the friends and relatives i was passionately spoiled as the adults tried to compensate her treatment with acts of kindness.

My best friend and I pretended she was a witch, and laughed at her at her back.

Another thing, Nimo, her daughter from her previous relationship, never makes her own breakfast rather than making it she neither makes rightful choice of salt taste. I have made my breakfast, lunch and dinner for as long as I can remember, otherwise must have faced her systematically terrorized harsh beatings.

As a metaphor, The Cinderella law, was just a fantasy story which really happens only in the stories yet was wrongly perceived, it was thrown to my life too as a perfectly apt in my life story. As a story related to my storyline to Cinderella’s, my stepmom too made me wash all those inner pants of her shitty monthly period being dispose of openly in the toilet area with bitterly cold water keeping aside washing machine as it is just to let me do it for her own satisfaction, nimo, was never asked to lift a finger, but I didn’t mind doing house chores, instead it satisfied stepmother’s need to dominate and humiliate me, which meant a brief drop in her anger level.

Her insatiable fury was mentally exhausting, when I was in tenth grade, she said,”I don’t care about you if you don’t qualify for higher studies but don’t expect for study privately” I became a robot. i didn’t respond to taunts. I desensitized myself to being hit, Inside, though, I was defiant, I did excel in what I was studying for which made her veraciously jealous of my excellence.

When every child at my age Acclimatize to their choosy world, I did suffer from depression in my twenties, yet I wasn’t emotionally destroyed because I had my secret supporters.

I was traumatized though, I dissociated from my younger self to this zenith pinnacle of life which was real harder for me to accept yet my father chose to ignore it because I knew he loved and care me, stepmother wasn’t rough in front of him and once she ordered me to use her expensive Tego and kiras but dad’s refusal to acknowledge her treatment of me or that family unity was a charade. Gave me no option but to play my part.

On the surface we were functional family, each day was a mental assault course, trying to minimize the threat, attempting not to nudge her simmering and scowling disapproval into explosive rage. Only at school and college was relax.

When I left the house today, the witch wasn’t there, I am 99 percent sure she would have hit me to the hell had she been there at the zenith of unpacking my baggage and coming out from that dark room.


P.s: Fictional stories

My Fated Twitter Soul

I don't remember a single instance of where I have been so much crazy on someone else, like the way the romantic couple in the Korean drama usually a guy fascinates a girl. But I felt the feeling of fascination for the last couple of months, I know, we don't really know each other at all and whatever this connection is between us will prolly be ruined the moment we have the first real conversation of our own goals and dreams of the life.
Definitely, he will be a douchbag or he would have a perception that I am bit weird which would definitely lead us to the different directions of what we have been intended to go for, that's how my interactions with guys usually go. But right now at this moment, knowing nothing about him other than the intensity in his expression in his messages, it allows me to imagine he is perfect, moreover, I think that he is smart and respectful, funny and artistic because he would be all those things if he were the perfect guy. I am content with imaging he possesses these qualities for as long as he is going to stand there in front of me.

The moment back in the month of may or April, The way back to where i tweets in twitter, it suddenly feels like I have swallowed his heart because I have all these extra beats in my chest, he seemed to be so familiar though i don't have friends and families similar to his faces of expression, i have no idea what those features of him mean,we exchanged messages through twitter which is typically old fashioned but i like them,it's so perfect, it feels like the old days in the movies when friends sends message through hotmails and yahoo back then when facebook weren't there.

Is it necessary to be in relation?

You don’t have to be in a relationship. 
 
But a relationship won’t always make you happy, and as wonderful as romance is, it isn’t the only love that exists. I have seen friendships that are deeper and more pure than couples who swear it’s forever - and yet the friendship is the one people ignore. 
 
I have heard so often “nobody loves me” out of the mouths of people who are single. And it kills me because if you ask them: where are your parents, your teachers, your classmates, your pets - they say, yes, okay, but it doesn’t count. Of course it counts, love doesn’t diminish just because someone doesn’t want to have sex with you. In fact, doesn’t it sort of make that love more real that they want nothing - not even a date - out of you?
 
It is pretty to be in love. It’s magical, I’m sure. But it’s also wonderful to stop for ice cream in your prom dress with six other girls. It’s also wonderful to go visit the world with nothing but a bunch of buddies who are really excited about learning. 
 
The problem is: we’ve made everything about “the one”. But maybe “the one” is just you, loving yourself, having fun, and being happy. Maybe instead of looking for our other halves, we should be piecing ourselves together.
 
Maybe I wasn’t born unfinished. Maybe I am the one who makes myself better.

Nonetheless vagabond

we couldnot find a place to live and we were six days removed from  being homeless for the last month of july,we were led to believe that finding a place to live in cyprus would be easy but it was  for lack of word to describe it,terribly hard if you are finding rent for few days,luckily we got one,thanks to Dr.Singay lhendrup,not until then did he help us to find one room to rest for another 8 days would be so hot to get out and search for the room under scorching heat of 43 degree celcius,no breeze---hot,so hot that you can not sleep---hot
terribly hot that you need to peel the fabric of clothes off your salty-drenched and sticky body,almost half cooked barbeque at the end of the day,its seriously hot as sun but i am not sure that does it justice

But with the time passes by,things began to settle down
i can honestly say i have never felt more comfortable with myself before but Cyprus has gave a way  to be more free and relax of who i am,the happiness is palpable here,living on my own,learning more about myself,discovering whats its like to stand on my own,i can feel myself blossoming and thats the most satisfying part of being here..
 i have never failed to make great friendships,i can say that unexpected friendships is the best,and for few i am certain will be for a life,some will be leaving and moving on with their lives but at one time get-go life i shouldnot forget that life is a revolving door,people will always come and go,feelings would change after every secs or hours but i will cherish the limited time i have with the people i am with now,keeping in mind that everyone has their own way to follow,at some point i have to accept the facts that some people in my life will be marathoners and sprinters
this seems to be only the great reel of my experience of friendship thing so far,without counting an ample of experiences and knowledge learned under professionalised professors,its gone nothing like how i expected it would,since its only been nine months eight days and as the days come to a close to be back home,it feels more like a beginning than an end

An idea of going back home leaving the joyful experiences of erasmus life would be real heal hard,and at the moment go i would definitely struggle to accept the facts but at one time i think i will and would miss the life i have spent here for the last nine months 12 days here in cyprus.i think there will be pull to return to this place some years old from the day of now.

It was indeed their warmth,their helpful hands,which crept into my being like theft,snatched my heart forever,well,i am very sure,i think i left the whole damn thing here cux there was saying that wherever you travel,provided you have done it right,you leave a part of heart there,

Can't Even

obsessed with our own private problems, it is easy for us to forget that for at least million and billion years human beings just like us have been on this planet, undoubtedly wrestling with their own issues of happiness and contentment.

 It should be of no surprise that I still remember the words that were going through my mind up: i thought that Ultimately,life is all about the choices,one's destiny unfolds according to the choices one makes and i felt certain that the choices are on certain individual,though  our body is designed to die, our mind seems to be hardwired to think that we are immortal, and there’s little that we can do to resist that kinda feeling where all the individuals has at the back of their mind and thats how we human being are being circuited with.

Seems to be Forever Goodbye

“It is always important to know when something has reached its end. Closing circles, shutting doors, finishing chapters, it doesn’t matter what we call it; what matters is to leave in the past those moments in life that are over.”                                                                          ~~~Paulo Coelho

i got some secrets forgot to share you  yet the last episodes are over,i choose forgetting.
when i had nothing more to lose,i loose you.
when i was supposed to be there to listen the following words in your mind,i heard half the sentences,
when i expected to hear the word i was suppose to be heard,you ceased from sharing it 
yet i understood that i was free to choose to be deaf.
 The expectations i had from you though all attired with pain and disappointments in me,the blows that hurt me,
the wrecked dreams and the stillborn love and hopes.

Thank you so much for the illusion that has set something nothingness at the end.
The misfortunes of the past,has no weight on my heart,
i will be capable of loving albeit i am loved in return,of giving,
even when i have nothingness which works well,
in the midst of adversities,
regardless of being completely alone and abandoned,
while i weep,believe me even when no one believes me
and yes its never too late to start over.

Ignorance:Social networks

What i observed so far in me!!!

It was right after dinner,i was so much engaged with phone,so much busy,i didn't bother to spare a minute to chat face to face,much busy to check instagram feeds,very much busy with smart phone,i didnt know why i was so busy,when i realised what i was doing,the phone wasnt used for texting,neither a call to anyone nor chat with anyone,but i was so much engrossed to check on what orher people were doing in their social media which actually a waste of million seconds of life.

In this digital age,i felt that everyone has a huge urge to keep up with other people or need to feel flattered through the affirmation of the virtual likes and compliments from other people,no more the age with toothy grin chit chat to be expected at this generation.

adversities before travelling

One’s meat is another man’s poison, what works for someone might not work for you and the worst thing is comparing one’s journey to someone’s else journey through the wild world of different windows, it’s totally different, different lens and way of perceiving the things differs. Just focus on you and do it as it is supposed to be.That’s how i was inspired to travel some European countries which were placed in my bucketlist luckily.

It was  actually planned for three weeks and yet the planning part beforehand was kinda sting in the tail experiences for me. wakeful night plan coincided with term examinations albeit tensions during exam time, Famished stomach starved for the food while walking on scorching sun, yearning for the schegen visa,you would never believe how the temperature was in Cyprus at that time, missed buses, missed so many classes yet the keen to travel wasn;t diminished fortunately besides so many problems and complexities during the process

Grass is always greener on the other side

we always find others life is perfect and happy as full moon on the wide large serene blue sky, but it is only the way how we make it or choose see it,as said, the grass is always greener on other side yet we failed to notice the greenest on our side, the only thing is we never bother to water grass on our side, because the grass is greenest only when it is being watered. Wayfaring in the direction that our passion wants to go seals us with meaning but trying to Walk on others direction contradicts the keen interest one has for ,cuz it never going to match our fashion of life in a way it has to be though it seems to be perfect on their way, The most of the time our purposes of harmony, support, involvement, and admiration for Life take us unerringly towards people, Life, health, fulfillment instead of satisfaction, and joy instead of happiness,that’s why we always see happiness on other shore

we only have our own.  But that is the pivotal spot.  If we can accept reality for what it is, we have the chance to develop it, to improve it, and to grow it. 

A lot of elements in it are perfect, but life is also real, and by no means tranquil. Daily challenges and trials of the body and mind creep into our life just like in any other. But we must make the most out of our life, who knows if we'll be here again. When sadness and hardship come our way at least we should not forget to acknowledge it, taking a little time to process it, try to master it but should not facade it, hide it, or ignore it. Life is about spending time with the people we love, and being sound healthy, living wisely.

Being an origin from Buddhist country, we believe in karma, create our own destiny, therefor I am grateful for the life I lead, and in my eyes the people in it make it perfect. Keeping the health and harmony takes hard work and I would love to use this platform to share ideas, motivation, and smiles. moments of my life,kinda diary from the heart turned into words just for the sake of recording every kind of things I am generally passionate about. Its neither a post to demean every one, its solely about my  moments of life,not real facts yet you can use it just for the sake of the time passing, it would neither help you nor motivate you but its a writing  for the sake of my own recreational being.

kindness is free

been exactly a month seldomly did i blogpost.

its just a piece of writing today which provoke on something i should write here out of no where,felt like i should jot it here to keep the spirit of blog alive.

Live your life your way your style not copied version of someone else.

It doesn't count what kind of life we lived but counts the most in how we lived the life. This human form of life is much prized and highly gifted we own as an expensive gift ever .Everyone says that we live once and life is to enjoy this remarkable expensive gift, some says that its just to live it while others claim for the endeavoring one’s happiness. The view of life differs from one head  to another depending on the way we perceive the things we are surrounded with and the way we are brought up with.

For me, I count my way of life on helping others whole-heartedly and not for the sake of helping, help is free, that's why I yearn to live on kindness. One of the great masters Dalai Lama clearly mentioned that :"Our main motive in life is to help others and if you can't help them , at least don't harm them."

In one way or another human life is very much daintily beautiful yet we are never satisfied with what we are, we harm others for our needs and wants, Albeit we are wise,intelligent and think great we do not feel much, deviating ourselves from the main single-mindedness of  life.

Anyway,this all i have got to say for today

let me take a minute moment of yours, to acknowledge you for being my BLOG readers one day,one night,one morning, one afternoon,one minute or one second  albeit its for sure there aint any moment to meet face to face in this life,I assume that we are meeting at all times in this blog if I am not mistaken, this way it makes  me happy atleast. Thank you and kadrinchoe. Keep visiting. Take care and be mindful of every moment of life, every moment of life is attired in uncertainty, so live as if you were to die tomorrow, be good, do good ,feel good and hope good. OPTIIMISTISM every day. May Buddha bless you . My sycophantic prayers are, with you, today, tomorrow, always, for time without end. Warm-hearted regards from me. Proceeds every moment with care

Twisted life:Escapades from the mundane sphere

It was a  sunny day and the weather was very cool for something i can say for us to eat in one of the restaurants.its been long since we last met at college,decades perhaps.we been working for the different organisations and have been kept busy with our way of life schedules and work life though we are in the same country.

we went on and on conversing on our past memories.

i told her,"i was so lost and felt like running on barefoot on the beach side.i feel so meaningless and hopeless regards to this life,i have been working for the last 3 years and feels like i haven't done anything so worth and meaningful"

" 'huh',why so?

seems some problem with your job life?i didn't get you by the way",she said

i told,"My life has always had a spiritual twist to it ever since I can remember. My family was not religious at all and yet I was drawn to anything mystical. I guess the search started from then on to find answers to questions that my parents just couldn't answer. I remember from around age six, often waking up in the middle of the night wondering about life and the way that everything changes, nothing stays the same.That one day everyone including me would die, sometimes I would lie there thinking it was all just a dream anyway. Other times I wondered if I was the dreamer or the dream or in somebody else's dream. I couldn't really talk to my family about these things as they already thought I was a bit weird. I just knew that life was more than we could see. It was at this age that I decided I wanted to be a missionary as I had this overwhelming urge to help people who were suffering"

she in her giggled tone,"why are you so lost? 

seems like you are gonna lead buddha's life,if there were so many heads like yours the world would definitely have so many buddha's..LOL."

common my lady,we are born to enjoy,keep aside your funny thoughts,don't ponder and wonder,its half the life yet to come, its real fact that we are gonna die one fine day.you should have abandon this life rather lead otherway round life, how did you come so far into job life?

"In the meantime samsara beckoned with lots of karmic entanglements and desires and I was hurtled into this job life.Samsara beckoned strongly and pulled me back into its desire ridden river of misery.

 A seed was planted, however, that ripened years later with a passing comment from my relatives,you should enter job life and help your siblings,parent",i said.

she said,Oh my goodness,"as if spiritual has every answers for your doubts?funny thing ever heard from you,think wise,its not always a way to practice being in monastic life,One can practice dharma being lay life,you need not have shave your head and don a red robe".

"yes,i am funny and weird since young days,if dharma could be practiced as a lay life,why did buddha abandon his royal and luxurious life who at that time was having comfortable life,moreover he  was a prince yet he thought it wasn't the way to achieve the true realisation,"

"yeah dear,but you are not buddha, if everyone wants to be in your shoe,definitely the world would be in poverty,there won't be anyone to offer the one who practices dharma,what do you think?".

i said,"i am neither buddha nor copying his way,just a bit of same feelings that keeps arising and makes me feel incomplete,but do you have same feelings like mine?do you have any interest?rather than comparing to the huge population,ask to yourself,do you have any notion of life after death>if you  don't have such belief system,its funny to compare a small stuffs to a big thing"

In her agony tone said,"better and try to think well,you are the eldest among your families,where everyone expects you to be very successful. even your dad,he has been looking upon you that you would look after your siblings and family matters,don't you have any empathy towards your family?,especially your dad,who has been with you since the day you were born,has been with you for every obstacles you have had,he has been supporting you and your dreams.

so far who you are and what you have been ,are all cuxs of your dad and you should be very thankful to him perhaps,stop having such a childish and selfish thoughts of leading spiritual.we are half pass 25 years.life is uncertain but at the same time,at the back of our mind,no matter,how spiritual mind we may posses,we still think we would live another day,don't you think?"

"Am i asking too much?

suppose,you want something and if that something doesn't come to your desired place,would you feel complete?i am not selfish actually.so far, i was here,hadn't i thought of my family matters i would have already abandon the life since the day there was green signal but i have awaited till here,wanted to relinquish this feelings of 50.50 life style,yet the ddream keeps me firmer day by day,rather it keeps me alive.

trying to fit into the circle of society,hoping for good things to happen everytime,visualising evrytime good things would happen but when good things doesn't hapen the way we visualise,it is not easy,fortunes come and goes,the whole business that has been set up for life time keeps twindling,high salary job and bank full of money,we marry with the one we love and bore a child from the loved one,we think marriage,children,land as security at the end of the retirement life yet at the end of the day,we still die empty hand,we have no assurance that our own blood children would treat us well the way we treated them when they were young and innocent.

heard so many stories of family problems,children being disobeyed to their parents makes me feel insane"

Her response was like rushing river downwards the valley,"seriously i feel its your one-sided story,go on  and live a reality,experience it,until and unless one live the reality and we will get to know the real tastes of human life,you would never know enjoyable it is and make a let go life,find your soul mate," 

i told,"as if my life is millennium,we can not learn everything from our own experience,life is short."

she nodded,emae,life is short and keep it to yourself.....

By the time,i realised that i had to go home early.

ubiquitous mind

The hardest thing in the world is understand so called mind.

Recently i have been wondering
,sophisticated and very complicated yet hindering
still wonders, why?
if one wouldn't vociferate about it for mind being very flexible which happen to be like some flirty man you have no idea about flatters you.

the mind says,I am not the type of the person who believes in fate,bit skeptic,a realist.It says not the type of lady who believes in love songs or soul mates,It was all cux of this sophisticated mind which drag everything to any kind of thoughts.

sometimes,it really takes billion hours to analyse what the mind really mind,sometimes,it feels like nothing better than a good book on a rainy day,sometimes spending whole day and night  inside room watching movies,that being said,never been the type who fantasize about a relationship like the one in The NOTEBOOK
Its being where mind wants to be when it want to be,just living the way how it feels, not having a goal to accomplish on or plans to work on .

The other side of me

To the other side of me,this ain't race,there ain't rule and permissions,just go and move at your pace as there isn't any special point or certain things to achieved for and work for if  heart is not ready yet.

This is you and you are you,not someone else shadow.Its non of your business to lick their plate,they are on their race.they are doing fine and you should be the one of your own copy

you aren't like them and you needn't have to be either.your share of rice will be yours and it will remain as yours,

No matter how strong and courageous you might be,how large the family tree you might have,still it stands out very complicated and complex,yet you neither relate to non of them,cux you are confused with the whom you belong to and who belong to yours,At the end of the day,you stands out yourself and you become your own motivator,you are your own supporter,you remain alone.

when every one has someone to depend on,you posses you and you are your own self.

Indeed Great knowledge

1. Believing that life is meaningless doing impossible things.

2.Saving only to discover that we have no more energy to enjoy life and ending up dying of boredom after few years.

3.Working hard to be financially successful rather than  seeking inner peace.

4.Making fun of those who are on seeking happiness instead of materialistic calling them "beggers"

5.Ridiculing everybody who tries to be different

6.believing  everything that is black on white

Yes or NO

you were hungry, and some1 gave u something to eat; you were thirsty, and some1 gave u drinks,u would judge dat kinda person very sympathetic and compassionate,

you saw a guy with cocky character,you would judge him as a womanizer,who knws he might be the most faithful man on this earth,

So called love

I asked her,how do you manage your relation?
don't you feel irri when he nags you to the hell??

she said,never,i just want to feel happiness in my heart,because i dont want to hurt my feelings longing for something i really don't posses

with every Disappointment There's Always A Hidden Blessing

There was a time i found this quotes-"In every disappointment there is always a hidden blessing" very annoying.Another which says,"everything happens for good reason",and another quotes,"behind every clouds,has a silver lining"

At times,i was

The Page of Life i m in

You cant force me what i should do in my life.i have my way of life i should be into.i hate forced interaction or forced conversation and forced wiĺlingness,i hate forced things because i simply dont force anyone.If you dont like my way of life or what i am doing..thats alright, m living my life for myself and not yours.i dont have time to lead my life your way to please you.

CRAZY??May be..

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